Rape is rape

Aware's position paper on the proposed penal code amendments will be uploaded to the website by tomorrow. The deadline for feedback is 9am Saturday 9 December, so if you're reading this within the next 36 hours, drop in on http://www.reach.gov.sg/olcp/asp/ocp/ocp01d1.asp?id=3683 to give your feedback. Even if it's after 9 December, it might still be worth emailing/snail-mailing Mr Wong Kan Seng, Minister of Home Affairs to let him know your views.

It's been a rather intense two weeks. We had the White Ribbon Campaign (to eradicate violence against women) and the 21st anniversary bash to organise before we could pay attention to writing a position paper on the penal code amendments. Almost from the word go, when we received the email inviting us to the focus group discussion, I just thought that this whole thing was just so much "wayang" (play-acting) again. I seriously doubt that the government would revise anything in the Penal Code Amendment Bill from the feedback. Firstly, the time given for public consultation and feedback was one month. I don't know how long they do it in other countries, but it definitely felt very short, especially for a NGO. Secondly, how many time have we been through public consultations, only for status quo to be maintained? I just felt extremely frustrated that we would have to wayang along and provide the most well-researched feedback we could in the time given, while knowing at the back of my mind that it was all futile.

Then I found out that a friend had been raped by her husband.

Suddenly, it became personal. I know someone who was raped by her husband. How can the politicians, academics, lawyers etc all say that there is no need to criminalise marital rape? How many more women must be raped before we woke up to our senses?

I came from an all-girls school. The principal continually reminded us to be careful coming to school and going home, warning us to watch out for strange men and dark areas, and putting the fear of the devil into us about the possibility of getting raped. The underlying message was that rape was the ultimate humiliation, the absolute worst form of assault for a girl.

Now as an adult, I am told that it is okay for my husband to rape me? That by being married, I have consented to his demanding sexual relations with me any time he feels like it? Or that by being married, I have made it so hard to prove rape that the authorities would rather pretend it didn't happen? Or that it is so important to maintain the illusion of marriage the authorities would not want to do anything even if my husband raped me?

Let's get this straight - rape is violence, power, not sex. You only rape someone you have power over and want to hurt.

Research from the UK shows that 14% of married women have been raped by their husbands in their lifetime. Using the numbers from the 2000 consensus, that means that 98,000 women have been raped by their husbands in Singapore. Unless we have data to show otherwise, I will assume that 14% is a reliable ball park figure. Given how our politicians seem to feel about married women, I won't be too surprised if the actual number is higher.

It's time to call a spade a spade.

Rape is rape, wherever, whenever it happens, and whoever it is committed by.